I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, November 16, 2012

Skill or no skill?

Have you ever watched someone play and winced a little? Or a lot? Have you ever watched someone play and thought “maybe someone should tell them that what they are doing is really dangerous?”

I have seen my fair share of dangerous, unskilled, and unstable play, we all have. 

However, as I have been thinking back these beauties came to mind:

-          The “Top” (who went by the title of “master” by the way) took a person who said that they had never played, flogged them heavily with no warm up and no cool down. Then afterwards stood masterly at the other end of the room as the person that they had just wailed on sat in a corner in the fetal position completely glazed over. 

-          The “Top” that showcased their bottoms welts and bruises after the scene. The welts and bruises that were caused by wrapping and were all over the bottoms joints.

-The “Top” that was so busy watching and interacting with the crowd that they never did see where they actually hit the bottom.

I am sure that if I were to ask all of these tops that they would say they were skilled, they would probably say that they were exceptionally skilled.
So how do you know if you  really are skilled?

I am going to say that time in does not guarantee skill. I will also say that skill in a single area doesn’t make someone a skilled player, although it may make them skilled when it comes to that single type of play. I will also say that a big toy bag does not mean a big skill set.

 I suppose if you wanted to be general about the whole thing that you could say that a skilled player is identifiable by a happy bottom. BUT- the bottom that had bruises and welts over their hip joints was very happy…. 

I know that everyone defines what skill is differently.  So here are a few things that I look for when I watch play that I feel gives me an idea about someone’s skill level. Of course, that is assuming I am skilled……..

1)      The top can use both hands.  They aren’t stuck to one side because they can only use one had, they have flexibility and control on both sides of their body.

2)      The top moves around.  They are able to remain in contact and control of the scene while moving forwards, backwards, and to either side. They also use many parts of the bottoms body, from their calves to their shoulders, and from their groin to their chest. The top is able to scene with the bottom in many different positions. They don’t rely on the bottom be in one place for their aim to be dead on.

3)      The top may have a specialty, but they aren’t limited to that. They are able to play in different environments and spaces. IF the tops specialty is piercing, but the play party doesn't allow for blood play, the top is still able to do something else.

4)      If the top chooses to use various toys, they do so carefully and not fanatically jumping from toy to toy. The changing of toys is done because the top wants a different toy, not because the top can only use that toy one way.  They are articulate with what they do use, and know how to take their time before changing sensations.

5)      They can focus on the bottom. It doesn’t matter the crowd size, or attention given to the scene the top can focus and stay focused on the bottom throughout the scene and afterwards.

6)      They can use any toy with many levels of intensity. They are not limited to what the toy was made to do, they are able to see past that and use any toy to warm up, intensify or cool down.

7)      They can stop.  They are so in tune with how the bottom is doing and how they are doing that even a public space with an appreciative audience will not stop the top from ending the scene.

When I watch for these things I feel I can have a sense of how the person plays and where their skill is compared to mine. Now to be honest here I have done my fair share of red out scenes, out of boundary scenes, oh shit scenes, and “SURPRISE” scenes.  Like “surprise!!! “ Anal sex, or “surprise!!!” impact play….…  I have left bruises when I said that I wouldn’t.  I have gotten so far in my own head space that my slave had to red out for me because I wasn’t connected with her.  When I was first doing piecing I had the bottom almost pass out. I have wrapped, miss-hit, not negotiated and miss- read who I was playing with.

Wow- I should stop talking while I am ahead…..

I think that what I am trying to say here is that the concept of skill can be very elusive. What makes one a skilled player with some people can make them a very unskilled player with others.  Someone can be very skilled privately but unable to control a scene publicly. Someone can be excellent at taking down a heavy experienced bottom, but unable to play well with newbie’s. Someone can be very skilled at playing with women, but not know the first thing about playing with men.  Someone can be a master flogger, but give them a cane and they are lost.

And me, well, I am good as long as I can leave bruises……. 

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