So this week I was so exhausted, but we had errands to run in town. At the end of the errands my slave says lets go out to dinner so when we get home you can just crash.
Wonderful in theory- so we go to Luigis - one of my favorite places.
And at the end of the dinner I was so delirious that when I spilled ice cream on my shirt I started rubbing myself and saying "Its all over me!!! Its all over me!!!"
Luckily the waitress knew us pretty well- because I looked like a cracked out mess and because I had rubbed the ice cream into my shirt at that point- so there was nothing to see.
So I was feeling myself up, pointing at my tits and saying - "its all over me!! LOOK!! CAN'T you seee it???"
Yep-
one of my better moments.
On the good news front- school is going well. I have another hard push for the next three weeks, but then I can rest for a week before I start summer classes.
I am struggling with something though-- I don't feel good.
I cant remember the last time that I really felt good.
I feel so sluggish and tired and beaten up all the time.
I am trying to keep my body image intact as I get slower and slower from not having time to do what I normally do. And from just the mental and physical exhaustion of having to get so much done.
I feel bulky, and awkward, undesirable, repulsive, and physically weak.
That is hard sometimes.
I know --I know- One thing for another- But I cant wait for this semester to be over so that I will have the time to do the things that I deeply miss that helped me feel strong and powerful again.
I know that this is worth it- I just have to keep reminding myself that there is an end here. And a well earned hike when that happens.
And that I am still of worth even if it doesn't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2gy1Evb1Kg
(Picture by Fox_Fotography!!!!) Leather Bear Tails is about the leather journey of my slave and I. It deals with all parts of the leather and BDSM experience from safety to predators, to skills, and all of the lovely mistakes that she and I make along the way!! Also!! I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it can be found for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
It has been a hard Spring semester for many of us, even though things have been different. Sending you and yours strength to get through and hopes that you get your hike. *soft smile*
ReplyDeleteThank you, I also hope for a hike. But I also hope for an intact sense of self!!!! Hugz to you.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot going on, I can relate to the way your feeling. You are far from bulky, and awkward, undesirable, repulsive, you are one of the most amazing , attractive, desirable, smart, caring people that I have had the honor of meeting. When I have had the wonderful pleasure of attending your classes or being around you it has always uplifted me and filled me with a much needed burst of acceptance and love for who I am and who I want to be. (corney I know - but so true) The things that you and your beautiful wife have endured over the past couple of years would kick anyone in the ass! I will be happy when you get a chance for a much needed break! I do hope that you get the "Intact sense of self" that you need!
ReplyDeleteDearest Butterfly,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your words, When I first read your response I had to stop and read it again. Thank you for knowing and understanding the meaning of needing an intact sense of self.
Thank you for all of your kind and heartfelt words. When I am able to be around you - you uplift me with your beauty, your strength, your heart and that unforgettable smile! Love to you and yours, K
Awww......Thank you so much for the very much needed words of love and support! I just love you and yours!
ReplyDelete