I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, May 2, 2014

Beating the slave

You can beat someone into feeling a certain way- but probably not what you think. You can beat someone into submission, you can beat them into fear, and you can beat them into coercion and compliance. 

You cannot beat someone into consent, you cannot beat someone into trust, and you cannot beat someone into making their heart stay.

When someone talks about beating their slave I always think- what is this person getting out of that experience? And if they talk about it with sexual excitement and pride where they are ramping themselves up and looking for me to respond to  them in some way-- perhaps they want me to respond out of jealously or desire or out of  respect for them---   I can only think:  ohh red flag.

Then I think about the beating of a slave a little more globally and I ask  myself:  What are we really doing –versus- what are we bragging about- versus- what do  we think we should be doing -versus -what do we think we are expected to do.

 I am not saying that a good solid beating doesn’t have its place- that is not what I am saying. When pleasure and consent are involved – I LOVE a good solid take down of my slave. LOVE IT- and so does she.

I am saying that if we are using beating or beatings to try and change their minds, their thoughts, or their hearts- then it IS misplaced.
Some will argue that beating a slave makes sure that they understand who is the Master, their place as a slave and it makes them understand that there are consequences for behavior if it should displease the Master.

Yes- it can do all those things- but let me take each of those ideas out of fantasy and put them into the real world.

First, a beating makes the slave understand who is the Master.
So what is the difference between beating a consensual slave and a non consensual one? And I am talking the real world here as non consensual slavery is very much alive and well. 

Negotiation and consent.

 It isn’t the beating that makes the Master to the slave it is the negotiation- the talking- the psychological and emotional recognition of the Masters role in the slaves life, and the slave giving their consent to the Master. That type of talking and understanding takes time, even after it is negotiated, to really fulfill itself in the slave.  

A beating can imprint pain and if used as a single tool will also imprint fear. Beating someone into fear, self preservation, or exhaustion will trigger the fight or flight response. Once the fear and self preservation buttons have been triggered by physical pain- no matter the initial logic- the fight or flight wins out, and that is the end of logic. That is also the end of consent. 

 Beating someone to make sure that they know who the Master is can reinforce the M/s dynamic, the power exchange and the roles. BUT-and this is significant here- It doesn’t create it. It isn’t the starting point. And for some, if used haphazardly by the Master, it will create resentment and disgust.

Second- it makes the slave understand their place. So what is the slaves place? A punching bag? A mindless person that cannot make even a basic decision without a cue or a command from someone else? To take whatever the Master wants to dish out? Why? Not just why should they, but what is the point of mindless obedience?

But this begs the real question here: what is the slaves place?

This is a question for the Master to ask themselves- what is the slaves place in their life? 

Is it to be a non entity at use for the Masters whim? Maybe so –and I am not to say for other Masters.

 What I can say is beating creates one type of slave. Maybe that is the type of slave that that Masters wants and needs. 

Using other things creates another type of slave- and maybe that is what that Master wants and needs.

That is very individual. It also means looking at beating as “for” the slave instead of “for” the Master. It means the  Master needs to realistically look at why they are using beating- and be honest with themselves about what the outcomes of those beatings mean. Is the Master doing it for their ego, their sexual gratification, their emotional fulfillment of the act because it makes them feel powerful? What happens afterwards? What happens when the Master needs more and more extreme measures to feel that powerful? Like chasing that first high. When does the beating stop  being about the slaves development and start being about fulfilling the Masters ego? And what does it mean about a Master that needs a slave to have an internal sense of power?

Lastly it creates the understanding that there are consequences for behavior that displeases the Master. 

If the beating is directly related to the behavior – but here is no intellectual understanding of what the person has done - then the only thing a beating creates is confusion and fear. Just because a person can take a beating does not mean that they understand the reason for it, or can, or are willing to change.  For some slaves they create a situation of failure to get that beating, that attention from their Master- so who is calling the shots then? The argument being if the Master does the beatings right the slave will do anything to avoid them- but the reality is – that takes the accountability off of the slave and puts it on the Master. If the Master had beaten the slave right then the slave would have ___  ( fill in the blank.)

I am not opposed to beating a slave. I am not-

 I am  opposed to the Masters that beat without using their head, who  beats for their own  pleasure and won’t admit it, I am  opposed to  beating just to  beat, or beating because the Master thinks it will create service, I am  opposed to  the Master that beats a newbie because they can  play on  their inexperience, I am opposed to  beating someone  into submission because that flies in the face of consent, I am  opposed to the “ritual  first beating” to  create the slave, I am  opposed to  bragging about creating a numb mindless slave that couldn’t function  in the real world if they tried, and I am  opposed to  beating used as  training.

Before you get all up in arms as to how “I am not a real Master, blah blah blah”- take this into consideration first.

Have you ever seen that dog, cat, or horse with dead eyes? The kind of eyes that are numb to the world, the kind of eyes that say “I have nothing left in this life, including hope”. The kind of eyes where you can see that their trust and their will have both been broken.  The kind of eyes where  although they fear for what their body may go  though  they walk towards you anyway because they are  too  afraid and to  conditioned  to  do  otherwise. 

But they will not let you get close to their heart, they will not let them self feel, they will not let you in.

Is that the kind of slave that you want in your life?
It isn’t in mine.

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