The last AMG
(Albuquerque Masters Group) was very invigorating for me. There were a lot of really thought provoking
questions asked, and so much sharing and candor. There was so much to mull over
that I am still thinking about some of what was said and what I learned.
One of
the questions asked brought on a very good debate, it was “could you own
someone of a significantly different sexual preference then yours?” It was a powerful
question. Some people said yes, others said no, it was well debated and
everyone seemed to have a strong opinion. The cool thing was that no one was
more right than anyone else and everyone listened to what others had to say.
However this question got me to thinking- what
things would matter in an M/s relationship if they were directly opposite of
each other? Sexual preference, religion, economic status, educational status,
health status? All of those things influence a person’s inner perspective,
quality of life, and how they view their place in the world as a whole. So what
would it mean if the Master and the slave are on extremely different ends of
one another?
Of course the easy answer is “love- or service
- conquers all”.
Yea- OK- and
now back to real life.
My first wife
was a christian. At first it didn’t bother me, but over time it became more and
more a pressured issue, and after a while it was blatantly obvious to me that it was something that I didn’t want any
part of. What she would say when I wouldn’t want to go to the latest christian
gathering was that I was unsupportive of her, or how could I understand her if
I didn’t understand her spiritual base? (I am toning it down here, but that was
the gist of it.)
These were
powerful statements especially in the face of me being introduced as her “friend”
at these gatherings. I hated going, but I didn’t feel I had much of an emotional
choice. When I wouldn’t go she would escalate. Always with a reason that in that time and
space sounded reasonable, and when I would go she would de-escalate.
There are
those that say- it isn’t the religion - it is how the person uses the religion-
and I get that and it is a beautiful theory- but the reality is that opposite
religions is another thing that separates people in their most intimate of
times- dealing with stress, marriage, birth, death, divorce.
My ex was
under a ton of stress and pressure from her family and friends because of her
sexuality changing- so when she was feeling pressured, or under stress she went
back to her religion for comfort. When I could no longer be a part of it with
her, or even pretend to be, it increased the already widening gap between her
and me. I don’t think that she thought that she was being unreasonable. I think
that she really believed that if we could share in that together that it would
somehow make “us” better.
That is not
how it felt to me- it felt like an assault to my senses- an assault to what I
felt was right and to what I viscerally believed to be true. It was some of the
hardest times in my life to be sitting or standing at those gatherings or that church
and just feeling so on guard that I would feel nauseous and afterwards I ached all over and had to go to
rest.
Now- the whole
marriage was bad- but that was just one aspect of how difficult it was to be with
someone who was so spiritually different from me.
My slave and
I have the same religion, although we both practice different aspects of it. I am
grateful for this. I learned a lot from watching and talking with my slave. But
I wonder, what would it mean for us if her spiritual path was directly in
opposition to mine? Could I do that again and stay in a relationship where I
felt that I could not relate to or was deeply offended by her spiritual path?
I believe
that as a Master there are things that I have no right to mess with and my slave’s
spiritual path is one of them. That is something that she has to decide for herself
and I feel that even though I have ownership over her that her spiritual path
is her and hers alone.
I am blessed
that I don’t have to ask these questions of myself and my slave.
But I think
that the question has merit. We can say that those things can be negotiated,
that they shouldn’t matter, but they do matter and anything can be negotiated
except for how a person feels- that can never be negotiated.
So as I look
back now it now
I can only say That I am so utterly
grateful that I don’t have to deal
with that. I don’t know if I could.
Having the same spiritual base has given me insight into my slave and how we
celebrate life together.
I am not saying that it is not doing able -
for many it is- I am saying that I am glad that it isn’t were we are.
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