I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, September 5, 2014


It is 2 am. I am awake here, at the computer with the new kitten Mogadeet in my arm lobbying for attention through criminal cuteness. I am up at 2 am because this question on my mind isn’t going away.

How do you love someone through something that scares you?

How do you find the strength or the words or the ability to give them what they need while keeping yourself in balance? How do you hold your own anger, rage, or fear in check to keep the focus on them? 

When I was 21 or so I had this horse that got an infection in her hoof. If I wasn’t able to draw it out with Epson salts then she was going to have to be put down. So twice a day, every day, I soaked her foot in hot water and salts for 45 minutes to an hour. 
I remember telling my Mom about how frustrated I was and she turned to me and said “this isn’t about you.”

My mare did end up recovering, and I walked away with a powerful lesson. 

So here I am now a good 20 years later and those words still come to me.

But now the situation is a lot more complex. It inst about just putting myself aside and being there for someone else, it is about dealing with how what I am hearing is making me feel- while trying to  remain  open  and supportive and loving. 
Even though what I am hearing is tearing at my core. Scaring me senseless, or making me feel powerless, helpless, and full of anger or fear- or both.

When it is happening I hold on to those words “this isn’t about me”, if it gets too much I ask for a break. I may even ask for it not to be discussed if it is too much for my brain and heart. I try to ask gently so as not to make things worse. I try to gently explain why so they don’t feel too rejected in their time of need.  I try to pick it up again later when I can, if I can. 

“It isn’t about me.” But it does affect me.  And some part of what is said stays with me. 

It is that part of loving someone. Knowing that sometimes loving them means knowing your own limits.  Recognizing that even though you love them, you won’t always have the right words, or the right way to support them, and sometimes for your own self- you can’t. 
It means not saying what you want to  say, what you are burning to  say- becasue you know that those words wont help. That you would only speak  those words to  lessen  your own discomfort.  That those  words will only turn their attention from  them to  you. And this needs to be about their pain, not your anger or fear.

So sometimes it means that you bite the inside of your mouth  until  it bleeds while you listen and hold them and love them- because being there for them is more important than anything else. 

Even if you aren’t the same afterwards. 

And that means is picking yourself up- not leaning on them to do it. Not asking them to comfort you. Because then they really couldn’t let themselves go- not really- not with the knowledge that they would pay for it later by having to taking care of you, while they are  taking care of them.

You  take care of you.

So that way- it really does get to be about them.

And sometimes that means being up at 2 am writing blogs so that they can have peace in their heart that they are loved. 


  1. If I can be of assistance, please let me know. Sometimes just knowing that others care can lessen your burdens.

  2. Big Hugz Keli! You are so so loved ! Thank you for being there my beautiful friend! I agree totally with Michael Wolf, Sometimes just knowing that you are loved lessons things quite a bit, and you have done that for me and many others! I think it is important to let you know that you are loved very much and y so so many! Holding you close to heart !

  3. Thinking about all of you. You know how to get hold of me if you need to.