I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, July 15, 2016

I Deserve Better and so do You

Recently over the last few weeks something has come up over and over again in my life. It was one of those things that happen sometimes. Where that one thing just keeps coming up, in conversation, in the news, or in a Fetlife feed. So today as I was sitting down to write this I thought- maybe this is what I should write about today. It is something that I never talk about outside of my slave and SM. So I am taking a leap.

Back when my slave and I first got together she was passionate about being body positive. It was her shield against the world when it came to how she was treated because of how she looked. Honestly, I didn’t understand a lot of what she was talking about. It was way over my head. Over time the more that we talked about sex the more that I understood what she was saying. That was when I started to really understand the power of what she was saying.

When she talked about sex she would say “I don’t want to feel like my lover is too afraid to or doesn’t want  to or is hesitant to want to touch my body.” I understood that right away. What took time was the bigness of it.

It took time to register the power in knowing that your lover wants to touch and play and experience all of your body. Knowing that they don’t just tolerate how you look because”I love you” or because “I don’t care what size you are” or the biggie of all “I would love you no matter what size you are.” 

Gee thanks.

Understanding the concepts of body pride are very complex and they are about taking that next leap- the previous statements are about tolerating someone’s body. They aren’t about finding joy and lust in it. Those statements are very different then having your lover lustfully grab for your body or say “I love your curves, your rolls, your muffin top. I Love how your hips swell, and how you look coming and going. I love how the weight of you feels on me, and I love how the bigness of you envelopes me.” Those are completely different things then   “I love you no matter what your size.”

It means that those of statements that start with   “No matter, I don’t care, I love you” are no longer enough. It means demanding more from ourselves and our lovers. It means saying to them- “I need more from you to feel and know like you really want to be with all of me. “ It means saying “When you say - I love you no matter what your size is- you are saying that you pity me, and that who I am now is tolerable to you.” It means saying to them “You say that you love me because of who I am, I need to know that you desire and lust for me for the same reason.”

It means not justifying our weight to anyone- because we should never have to. Not Our Doctors, not society, not our families- not anyone. So let’s talk about justifying for a moment.

When  I first sat down to write this I wrote about how much  I weighted when  my slave and I first got together, and then something that happened to me that changed my life forever.  It was after I wrote those first  few sentences that I realized that I am  justifying my weight –even  now- to  myself- to  you- to those ghosts that still live in  my head, to those memories of my father getting up in  the middle of dinner and throwing my plate in the trash. So I stopped writing those words, erased them and started over.

It took  years for what my slave was saying to  sink it, for me to step  outside myself and watch others as they talk  about their bodies, their food, their sense of moral  and ethical  self completely balanced on  their forks. But when I finally did see it, my eyes flew wide open.

If we as a culture spent the amount of time, effort, energy, and money on curing cancer that we did on loosing weight- we would have cured it by now.

If we as a culture recognized that bullying for size is not acceptable it would change every TV show, every movie, most punch lines, and the fashion industry.

Everyday people of size- I-  am  bombarded by how I am not acceptable to this culture, how I am  a burden  to  its already strained medical  resources, and how I am not a good nurse because I am  of size.

So I deserve more when it comes to my lovers and my friends.

And so do you.

If you are ready to change how you feel about your body then read this book:

The Obesity Myth by Paul Campos

Found here:    

See this movie:

Fathead by Tom Naughton 
Found Here:

And watch this clip:



  1. its fascinating, the interplay between societal norms and public health stats. People incorporate, on a personal level as emotions and feelings, things (stats) which are only true on a macro level.

    1. Hello Sarah- That is the thing- what we are told about weight and its links to health is not true. In The Obesity Myth is cites the studies that combat what we think we know. In the Movie Fathead it talks about how the CDC did a link between obesity and death- but the catch was no matter how the person of size died (snake Bite) it was said that they died of obesity.