Recently over the last few weeks something has come up over and
over again in my life. It was one of those things that happen sometimes. Where
that one thing just keeps coming up, in conversation, in the news, or in a Fetlife
feed. So today as I was sitting down to write this I thought- maybe this is what
I should write about today. It is something that I never talk about outside of
my slave and SM. So I am taking a leap.
Back when my slave and I first got together she was passionate
about being body positive. It was her shield against the world when it came to
how she was treated because of how she looked. Honestly, I didn’t understand a
lot of what she was talking about. It was way over my head. Over time the more
that we talked about sex the more that I understood what she was saying. That
was when I started to really understand the power of what she was saying.
When she talked about sex she would say “I don’t want to
feel like my lover is too afraid to or doesn’t want to or is hesitant to want to touch
my body.” I understood that right away. What took time was the bigness of it.
It took time to register the power in knowing that your
lover wants to touch and play and experience all of your body. Knowing that
they don’t just tolerate how you look because”I love you” or because “I don’t care
what size you are” or the biggie of all “I would love you no matter what size
you are.”
Gee thanks.
Understanding the concepts of body pride are very complex
and they are about taking that next leap- the previous statements are about tolerating
someone’s body. They aren’t about finding joy and lust in it. Those statements
are very different then having your lover lustfully grab for your body or say “I
love your curves, your rolls, your muffin top. I Love how your hips swell, and
how you look coming and going. I love how the weight of you feels on me, and I love
how the bigness of you envelopes me.” Those are completely different things
then “I love you no matter what your
size.”
It means that those of statements that start with “No
matter, I don’t care, I love you” are no longer enough. It means demanding more
from ourselves and our lovers. It means saying to them- “I need more from you to
feel and know like you really want to be with all of me. “ It means saying “When
you say - I love you no matter what your size is- you are saying that you pity
me, and that who I am now is tolerable to you.” It means saying to them “You
say that you love me because of who I am, I need to know that you desire and
lust for me for the same reason.”
It means not justifying our weight to anyone- because we
should never have to. Not Our Doctors, not society, not our families- not
anyone. So let’s talk about justifying for a moment.
When I first sat down
to write this I wrote about how much I
weighted when my slave and I first got together,
and then something that happened to me that changed my life forever. It was after I wrote those first few sentences that I realized that I am justifying my weight –even now- to
myself- to you- to those ghosts
that still live in my head, to those memories
of my father getting up in the middle of
dinner and throwing my plate in the trash. So I stopped writing those words,
erased them and started over.
It took years for
what my slave was saying to sink it, for
me to step outside myself and watch
others as they talk about their bodies,
their food, their sense of moral and
ethical self completely balanced on their forks. But when I finally did see it,
my eyes flew wide open.
If we as a culture spent the amount of time, effort, energy,
and money on curing cancer that we did on loosing weight- we would have cured
it by now.
If we as a culture recognized that bullying for size is not acceptable
it would change every TV show, every movie, most punch lines, and the fashion
industry.
Everyday people of size- I-
am bombarded by how I am not acceptable
to this culture, how I am a burden to its
already strained medical resources, and how
I am not a good nurse because I am of
size.
So I deserve more when it comes to my lovers and my friends.
And so do you.
If you are ready to change how you feel about your body then
read this book:
The Obesity Myth by Paul Campos
Found here:
See this movie:
Fathead by Tom Naughton
Found Here:
And watch this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUOpqd0rQSo
Thank you
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome:)
DeleteThank you, Keli.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome:)
Deleteits fascinating, the interplay between societal norms and public health stats. People incorporate, on a personal level as emotions and feelings, things (stats) which are only true on a macro level.
ReplyDeleteHello Sarah- That is the thing- what we are told about weight and its links to health is not true. In The Obesity Myth is cites the studies that combat what we think we know. In the Movie Fathead it talks about how the CDC did a link between obesity and death- but the catch was no matter how the person of size died (snake Bite) it was said that they died of obesity.
Delete