I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us
I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information! The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!
If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:
If you are interested in active online community please find:
Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:
Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers
Albuquerque Master/slave forum
New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More
Friday, November 28, 2014
Empowerment through avoidance.
First off I blame my slave- ever since she had been experimenting with bath bombs, cookies, and stuff that fizzes and explodes into these amazing smells and colors in water I have not been able to take a normal bath. I don’t even want to any more!!!
OK that being said.
Last week was the Albuquerque Masters Group meeting, it went really well, very intense. There was a lot discussed, and this time instead of “questions in the hat” I did more of a leaded discussion. It was really deep and thought provoking. I am grateful to all that attended for stretching my own ideas and giving me new things to ponder.
One of the ideas that was brought forth was that Masters control slaves for a sense of safety. It was a huge idea for me- really interesting in its perspective.
The concept is that Masters that need to micromanage everything that the slave does, says, and thinks are more driven by their innate sense of feeling unsafe then they are driven by feeling a sense of control.
I have always wondered about Masters that micromanage, since I am not one of them. As that isn’t how I connect to my sense of power. But micromanagement is popular among Masters and although I figured that is how they connect with their sense of power, it never occurred to me that it is also how they connect to their sense of safety.
But it makes perfect sense-
The need to feel that they have absolute control over something, the need to not deal with who they are because they “have to/get to” put all of their energy in dealing with something outside of themselves. They don’t have to think about their own lives, accountability, even long term decisions- because they have to deal in the right here and now with their slave. Moment by moment.
Now I am talking in exaggerated terms here- I am not saying that all Masters that micromanage do it because they can’t deal with their own self. I am saying that when someone is constantly training, overseeing, managing, correcting, and focusing on what another is doing- it takes the pressure off of the overseer when it comes to doing a self assessment.
“I can’t think about (fill in the blank here) because that slave is looking to send out an email and I WILL see if they get to send it.”
Exaggerated but I think there is some truth there.
So as far as how that ties into a feelings of safety- the Master doesn’t have to feel fear, insecurity, or discomfort because nothing is about them. It all gets diverted to the slave. The emotional concentration is on what the slave is doing- so the Master doesn’t have to recognize what is going on in their own emotional lives.
Think of it like this- you are feeling bitchy- you don’t know why- so you pick a fight in your relationship to feel better (or relieve some steam) instead of dealing with why your feeling bitchy. That way the feeling of discomfort gets to become someone else’s fault.
Master woke up feeling insecure- find something that the slave did wrong, of just make it up. Then it gets to be about the Master getting emotional relief because of what the slave did or didn’t do instead of the Master dealing with how they feel.
Feeling unaccomplished and lost- no worries there- pick out the slaves clothes, watch how many drops of salt they put in your eggs, and not allow them to pee when they ask. Suddenly the focus is on what the slave is doing and not how the Master is feeling.
Now I know that I am going out of the box here- really exaggerating the point- but I do believe that there is some kernel of reality there.
Or at the very least, something to think about-
When a Masters sense of empowerment comes from avoidance. Huh.
My brain hurts…..