I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us
I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information! The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!
If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:
If you are interested in active online community please find:
Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:
Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers
Albuquerque Master/slave forum
New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More
Friday, August 1, 2014
Masters insecure with each other
This week at the Albuquerque Masters Group there was this question asked that I can’t get out of my head. I loved the openness and frankness of it. It read “For Masters: How do you deal with feelings of insecurity, especially in comparison to other Tops/Masters?”
I loved the question because it made no bones that everyone experiences insecurity, it didn’t ask “are you….?” or “ What if…?” It when right to the meat of it- how do you deal with those feelings.
Because the secret is out- WE ALL HAVE THEM. Feelings of being insecure are part of the human condition. Some may experience them more or less than others, some may not want to ever admit that they have them- but we all do. We all have those places or people in life that hit our insecurity buttons. And we may or may not know why.
So I thought about it- for like- 1/8th of a second and blurted out “Oh Yes!” Of course I have insecurities, and of course sometimes those insecurities are bought out by other people. That is just a normal part of being a social animal.
How do I deal with those insecurities when it comes to other Masters? That has changed over time. And it changes still depending on where I am in life.
In the beginning I was OK to be insecure because I felt that my newness allowed for it, so my insecurity showed itself by asking questions. That soon went away, and when I was insecure I would become very quiet. Although still tried to ask a lot of questions, to try and help me understand the difference between me and them.
Now, when I am insecure and it is at its worst, I become quiet, hostile, and catty. Not the fun gossipy catty- the ugly, petulant, I am better then you – catty. I try to find my footing because I don’t feel that I measure up and or that I am being judged. So I go inside my head and try to find something wrong with the other person to feel better about myself. Not pretty I know- but honest and human. After I am done getting quiet and catty, I try to ask a lot of questions, it helps me find common ground and put my insecurity aside, to see them as a more complete person, and to give myself that same consideration.
I also try to remind myself that there will always be things that I excel at and things that others excel at. And they have a right to those things as much as I do. I try really hard to not take out my insecurities on that other person. I try to acknowledge that this is my problem, and that it is not their fault that I feel insecure.
Honestly- sometimes I am a successful and sometime I am not!
I know that there will always be those types of Masters that automatically find their way into my insecurities. Not their fault- just my own issue. There are those Masters that enjoy creating insecurity in other Masters, there are those Masters that just create insecurity by their being who they are- no extra effort needed.
Being insecure is never easy; it is the human comparison of the self to others. And it is visible in every stage of a person’s life. Although what I measured myself against 13 years ago is different then what I do now, I still do it. As I have grown I try to ask more questions, I try to find that thing in the person that I can relate to and give them their due as to what they have fought for and earned in their life. In essence I try to not make my insecurities their problem. But I am not ALWAYS able to do it.
It is after all- a life of growth.