This week at the Albuquerque
Masters Group there was this question asked that I can’t get out of my head. I
loved the openness and frankness of it. It read “For Masters: How do you deal with
feelings of insecurity, especially in comparison to other Tops/Masters?”
I loved the question because it made no bones that everyone
experiences insecurity, it didn’t ask “are you….?” or “ What if…?” It when right to the meat of
it- how do you deal with those feelings.
Because the secret is out- WE ALL HAVE THEM. Feelings of being insecure are part of the human
condition. Some may experience them more or less than others, some may not want
to ever admit that they have them- but we all do. We all have those places or people
in life that hit our insecurity buttons. And we may or may not know why.
So I thought about it- for like- 1/8th of a second
and blurted out “Oh Yes!” Of course I have insecurities, and of course
sometimes those insecurities are bought out by other people. That is just a
normal part of being a social animal.
How do I deal with
those insecurities when it comes to other Masters? That has changed over time. And
it changes still depending on where I am in life.
In the beginning I was OK to be insecure because I felt that
my newness allowed for it, so my insecurity showed itself by asking questions.
That soon went away, and when I was insecure I would become very quiet. Although
still tried to ask a lot of questions, to try and help me understand the
difference between me and them.
Now, when I am insecure and it is at its worst, I
become quiet, hostile, and catty. Not
the fun gossipy catty- the ugly, petulant, I am better then you – catty. I try to
find my footing because I don’t feel that I measure up and or that I am being
judged. So I go inside my head and try to
find something wrong with the other person to feel better about myself. Not pretty I know- but honest and human. After
I am done getting quiet and catty, I try to ask a lot of questions, it helps me
find common ground and put my insecurity aside, to see them as a more complete person,
and to give myself that same consideration.
I also try to remind myself that there will always be things
that I excel at and things that others excel at. And they have a right to those things as much
as I do. I try really hard to not take out my insecurities on that other
person. I try to acknowledge that this is my problem, and that it is not their fault
that I feel insecure.
Honestly- sometimes I am a successful and sometime I am
not!
I know that there will always be those types of Masters that
automatically find their way into my insecurities. Not their fault- just my own
issue. There are those Masters that enjoy creating insecurity in other Masters,
there are those Masters that just create insecurity by their being who they
are- no extra effort needed.
Being insecure is never easy; it is the human comparison of
the self to others. And it is visible in every stage of a person’s life. Although
what I measured myself against 13 years ago is different then what I do now, I
still do it. As I have grown I try
to ask more questions, I try to find that thing in the person that I can relate to
and give them their due as to
what they have fought for and earned in their life. In essence I try to not make my insecurities
their problem. But I am not ALWAYS able to do it.
It is after all- a
life of growth.
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