I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, December 28, 2012

2012- love and loss, and love again.

As I look at 2012 I see the depth of the darkness that I have never seen, and even though that is true, I can only say that 2012 was a year of love.

When I knew it was time for my beloved Bo to go to the crossroads, a pair of loved and cherished friends made his passing kind, and comfortable. He passed at his home and I was able to tell stories of his life and bury him under the big tree in the front.

When I was losing my grip on reality and I was yelling, screaming, and shrieking,  I was loved, heard, and supported by someone who should have washed their hands of me and left.

When I was lying in bed for days paralyzed by fear my slave saw through her own loneliness, pain, and terror. She loved me so gently, so completely that I am still grateful for what most have been  some very long days for her.

When I finally admitted that the darkness was too great and I was losing my battle. My leather brother loved and talked to me and made me feel safe and became my lifeline. He did not judge me, only let me know that he was there any time day or night.

When I stopped eating and stopped talking my slave put herself on the back burner and through her reading me stories and scratching my back and talking so softly she gave me her light.  

When I could no longer see myself as a Master, because  I had failed myself, my slave, and my community, it was  my leather brother who brought out his best Jewish accent and with love put my words back to me, so I could see them more clearly.

When I was irrational,  insane, abusive, controlling, and manipulative  I was loved and helped and listened to through my fear, until months later I could grab onto my own  sanity again.

This last year was the darkest of my adult life. If it were not for the efforts of my slave and my chosen family who gave so much of themselves so consistently, so lovingly, so freely I don’t know how I would have recovered.

2012 was a year that brought me to my knees more than once.  Although I will never wish to repeat that time, I can say that I was so deeply loved during that time, and that has given me strength.

Here is to 2013.  Hopefully this year I can give back the love that was given to  me.

R.I.P.  My Beloved Bo 1995-2012


  1. Agree with Cecilia. The heart is here. You're a lucky person.

  2. Thank you so much Cecilla and ID. I really appreciate your words...

  3. though most cannot say they have been exactly where you have walked, most can relate to the sentiment. I've been rescued by friends, family and wife. Good for you for recognizing it and appreciating it. I would say pay it forward but i know you will.

  4. Dear pepsquad,
    thank you so much for the kind words, I will work very hard to pay back all of the love that has been given to me. Aren't wives AWESOME?